


Rude Awakening: It's That Kind of Day

by DIsaac (Allstar20032)



Series: Rude Awakening [5]
Category: Daria - Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-20
Updated: 2011-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-20 14:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allstar20032/pseuds/DIsaac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever heard of a saying, a lot can happen in a day. Well we are about to find out as we take just a look at one day in the life of WHUB, the Day that Mack Mackenzie joins Rude Awakening. Before it is all said and done it will be one of those kind of days at WHUB. What kind? You just have to read the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rude Awakening: It's That Kind of Day

**Author's Note:**

> Legal: MTV owns Daria.......Of course. I still own nothing!

  
  
**  
_  
  
  
A Look at Just one day at WHUB.   
  
  
_   
**   


**Scene 1 (4:15am WHUB breakroom, Daria and Jane roll in with the rest of the morning crew)**  
  
DARIA: It’s still the one thing I still hate - waking up at 3:00 in the morning.

JANE: No talky. Need coffee.

(Jane walks over to the coffee machine, Mack come rolling in)

MACK: The time is too damn early. If I knew I was getting up this early I would of said no to the job.

DARIA: But you said yes to it.

MACK: I wanted to get out of Columbus and away from Kevin.

(BURNOUT comes in bright and chipper)

BURNOUT: Morning everyone!

(Moan of “Hey” come from the three host)

BURNOUT: I see, so no coffee in you all yet?

JANE: No, not yet but working on it.

BURNOUT: Let’s run over the show today.

First, welcome to the team, Michael. You will learn that caffeine is your friend doing morning radio.

MACK: As I see already why it is.

BURNOUT: Daria, Jane and you will crack the mic at 5:07am. We will introduce Boston to the new guy. Have a little mercy on him.

MACK: They aren't caffeinated yet.

DARIA: Oh we will be in due time.

JANE: ( after taking a sip of her coffee): That's the stuff of what mama needs there.

DARIA: And Jodie will welcome Mack to WHUB in our special way at 7:15am.

MACK: (Thinking): Crap! They know the part I didn't want to say at that dinner. Jodie played it off so well too when I talked with her.

Eeep!

JANE: Just listen to Burnout - she will lead you through the your first day.

MACK: Yeah, what's the worst that can happen?

JANE: Are you just temping Murphy and his law to lay the smacketh down on you?

DARIA: Lane, he will figure out this isn't a normal station and this staff isn't a normal staff in every sense of that word.

JANE: We are just one step away from a crazy house.

MACK: You all are just joking around, right?

BURNOUT: Oh, Michael Mackenzie, Forgive him for he knows not of what he about to walk into.

MACK: Should I be scared now?

DARIA: Yes, Mack. You should be scared. You are joining the craziest family in Boston radio, WHUB 98.5 The Hub.

MACK: Eeep!

JANE: You should really get that hiccup thing check out, Mack. It's not good for you.

  
**  
  
Scene 2 (5:00am, WHUB studio)   
  
**   


VO: Live from the buzzdome.com Studios, This is the one and only WHUB 98.5 The Hub of Boston. And this is the Anti-Morning show, Rude Awakening with Jane Lane, Daria Morgendorffer and Mack Mackenzie.

DARIA: Welcome to this hell we call a morning show.

MACK: We apologize in advance if you were looking for NPR. You went too far up the dial.

JANE: But if you are wanting three sarcastic hosts that aren't morning people, welcome to our show. First, let me draw your attention to the second voice you heard in the middle, New England.

DARIA: We would like to welcome Mack Mackenzie to WHUB 98.5! He is going to be a part of this crazy morning show and we would to say we now have another Boston Big 3 in the morning - Lane, Morgendorffer and Mackenzie.

JANE: The whole duo thing was getting boring and since people love 3's! Why not in the morning?

MACK: Thank you ladies. Daria and Jane, I’m surprised with the basketball tie-in.

JANE: We were going to do a baseball intro but don't get her started with her Red Sox. She knows 50 names for Yankee fans, 49 of which we can't use on this radio station, unless we don't want jobs anymore. That's why we shot it down.

DARIA: They are all variations on the seven words you can't say on the radio. Lane, You know it kind of goes with the territory in New England.

MACK: Looks like I'll fit well in Boston. I'm came from a sports radio station in Columbus, OH. It makes sense when your full name is Michael Jordan Mackenzie.

JANE: I was wondering when you were going to mention your full name? How did you get it?

MACK: I was named after Michael Jordan after his first season at North Carolina, my birthday is in June. When I was young, I hated that fact to the core, but now it's a damn cool thing to say. It's a reeeally good pick up line, by the way.

DARIA: Now we know how he picked up Jodie in high school. We will talk about that later on this morning. What's on tap, Lane.

JANE: Amiga and Amigo, we know people don't listen to hear our voice but to win free crap and we have plenty of chances to get some tickets and food all for free.

MACK: And this isn't second rate crap either! It's like what Burnout sells behind WHUB studios.

DARIA: Not even 5:15 and He pulls out his first Burnout joke.

MACK: Oh yeah, uhhmm - I need to talk to you, Burnout - about that welcome gift bag for me during the break.

JANE: (laughing) Wow! This is going to be fun.

DARIA: It's 5:12 and 62 degrees out there on this Monday morning. This is WHUB 98.5 The Hub.

MACK: I'm going to go get some munchies.

JANE: Stop it.

BURNOUT: And we are clear. Thank you God. Mack, you threw off Lane there.

MACK: Did I do something wrong?

BURNOUT: No, But to take her out of her zone laughing is awesome.

JANE: What is wrong with you, Mackenzie?

MACK: I don't have a thing yet.

JANE: I have a feeling before this day is done you will weave an artist and weed joke in the show.

MACK: You are just giving me ideas. This is really fun.

JANE: What happened to responsible Mack?

MACK: He's still here - but the Joker side of me gets to come out between 5 to 10am every morning.

DARIA: Will you still say it's fun at 8:00am after our surprise is done?

MACK: I hope so.

  
**  
  
Scene 3 (5:45am Jodie shows at her office, Robert is there early as well.)   
  
**   


ROBERT: Hey Jodie.

JODIE: What are you doing here at the butt crack of dawn?

ROBERT: Part boredom and other part is I want to see what happens with you and the new guy meeting up.

JODIE: Mack?

ROBERT: Yep.

JODIE: I hold no ill will against him.

ROBERT: Translation, I’m not sure if I want to screw him or kill him.

JODIE: Your translator is broken.

ROBERT: Jodie, I've learned with you there is more then meets the words. Just tell me how you really feel.

JODIE: Well, Robert. When you spend 8 years with someone you actually thought was your true love and you actually thought he was the one and to think on his greatest day you was going to share it with him but instead you get told we're done. It hurts really badly.

ROBERT: Ohhh, You thought on that day you was going to get a ring.

JODIE: And not kicked to the curb like yesterday's news. I mean just all of a sudden to say it's over with no explanation, no other women to blame it on. No anything. Just done.

ROBERT: What was that all he said?

JODIE: Yep, I remember every word. Hi, Jodie were going difference directions and it's just time to see other people. That was all. No questions. No comments. I graduated from Crestmore Business school but it just meant less to me without Mack by my side. That’s why I haven't been able to watch a NFL Draft without crying my eyes out for 7 years. I hope to just get closure from this.

ROBERT: So this have been eating at you for all those years?

JODIE: It has.

ROBERT: You know it may not give you what you want.

JODIE: Robert.

ROBERT: Yeah, Jodie?

JODIE: You were dead-on with first translation.

ROBERT: I know. I've been there. You remember Judith, the former lawyer for our station.

JODIE: Yeah! What about her?

ROBERT: She was my ex. We were almost going down the aisle but I broke up her in 1984 with no reason giving. Was a bitch since that day.

JODIE: So you can answer this question?

ROBERT: OK, What is it?

JODIE: Why did you break up?

ROBERT: I thought I was hindering her path. Mack might of actually thought that without him, you would do amazing things - Better things without him. With how you describe him he's sound like a quality guy.

JODIE: He is. Damn, you helped me there.

ROBERT: And Unlike Daria, I don't charge $50 for advise.

  
**  
  
Scene 4 (6:18am, WHUB studios Note: the following stories in this scene are actually true! None of these have been made up.)   
  
**   


JANE: It's 6:20 and it is time for....

SSW VO: Daria's Sick Sad World!

DARIA: Well I’ve got a few stories here and actually some good ones, today.

MACK: Give me the first one and me and Jane will give you the snark.

DARIA: Now when I did Career Day when I was younger. It sure wasn't like this one in Henrico, Virginia. Elementary students there had a plastic surgeon describe his work and he brought some props along with him. The prop was a pair of saline breast implants. Student passed them around. Of course, parents flipped out and one of then was quoted saying “Career Day sure isn't what it once was”

JANE: You still have those breast implant that doc gave you in high school?

DARIA: I still have them - I'll bring them in tomorrow. I'm glad to say I don't need them at all now, and I didn't need them in high school either. Thank you sports bras in high school.

MACK: I learned too much. Next story.

DARIA: Stripping for Jesus!

(Mack and Jane laughing)

DARIA: I haven't even given you the story, yet. You better have some good ones, too. Former stripper Crystal Deans, Who said she learned the trade at age 18 ,but later retired and turned to God during a hard time is now doing Christian-themed pole dancing classes. Same moves but with Christian music. If you are interested, go to Spring, TX to find these classes.

JANE: When they said the recession was really bad, I didn't think the church would pull out ALL the stops to get people in.

MACK: Coming to the pole is Sister McCurty with her bad hip, too.

JANE: Mack, I didn't see that part in the bible about making it rain in the strip club for 40 days and 40 nights!

MACK: Oh, that's what the pastor was doing in the club last night.

JANE: I see. Make it rain in the church on Sunday.

MACK So you can make it rain in the club the other 6 days.

DARIA: (is trying to compose herself): Hell, party of 2. Hell, party of 2.

I got time for one more. Chinese special eggs or A student's epic payback

MACK: Something tells me I don't need to hear about those eggs. I'll go with the student.

JANE: Student trumps eggs.

DARIA: Good choice. This takes us to Waltham, MA. pretty close to us. A guy stole Mark Bao's notebook computer. Doesn't sound like a Sick, Sad World Story?

MACK: Nope, it doesn't.

JANE: There's a twist here, right.

DARIA: Jane and Mack, there is a twist that makes this SSW worthy. Mark has an automatic on-line back up service he used to get on his hard drive. He accessed it and found a video of the crook dancing lamely to a pop song. Mark uploaded it to Youtube and the video got 700,000 views. The viewers went in and ripped the crook without mercy! Also, they found the crook's e-mail and told him he is Youtube's newest star. The crook turned in the computer and it was returned to Mark with a letter begging him to take down the video.

JANE: EPIC WINNING!

MACK:I agree! That was epic!

DARIA: That is indeed an epic way to end your Sick Sad World news. Sick Sad World airs tonight at 7:30 on Channel 5. At 6:30am, it's 64 degrees. This is Rude Awakening on WHUB 98.5 The Hub. 

  
**  
**   


  
**  
  
Scene 5 (6:47am, Stacy Rowe's Office)   
  
**   


STACY: Come in.

SANDI: Hey Stacy.

STACY: Sandi?

SANDI: Surprised I'm not at Channel 5 this early?

STACY: Yeah!

SANDI: Stacy, I need to talk to you about a sensitive matter.

STACY: I hope you aren't asking my opinion on who I would fire at Channel 5?

SANDI: No, I actually have fun doing that. It's about a guy I'm seeing.

STACY: Who's the lucky guy?

SANDI: (Hesitant): It's sensitive to Daria and Jane.

STACY: Why would Daria and Jane care who you are seeing?

SANDI: My new boyfriend is Tom Sloane.

STACY: (Blank stare to jaw drop): WHAT!!! Sandi, Sandi, Sandi. You are just asking to get bitchslapped around here?

SANDI: I know how bad it is. Not a good scenario at all. But, Tom and me just clicked.

STACY: You don't have to worry about Jane, she’s not a fighter.

SANDI: What about Daria?

STACY: She may be 5 foot 4 but she pack a hell of a punch. I have seen it before. She is like a pitbull.

SANDI: Eeep!

STACY: But Jane is hooked up with Mack and Daria is still hanging out with Kevin. But there is no doubt about it, you have come with the biggest shocker of them all.

SANDI: What about Ted?

STACY: I think he is gay.

SANDI: OK? Back it up then.

STACY: So, when I got back from the Columbus Vacation, my first day back at WHUB - I gave him a big kiss on the lips. He’s been avoiding me and strangely Daria since.

SANDI: Staaccy, he's not gay. He's afraid you are going to sexually assault him.

STACY: So he's afraid I'm going to take his cornbread?

SANDI: If that is what you're calling sexual harassment these days, then yes.

STACY: I need to have a talk with him and soon.

SANDI: What about Daria and Jane?

STACY: Ask Kevin at WHUB-AM for one of his football helmet and his old pads too! For when you tell "The Freaking Duo" about Tom, they will be needed.

SANDI: You’re not making this any better.

STACY: I never said I would. Turn the radio up. Jodie and Mack's show down is on.

  
**  
  
Scene 6 (7:15 am, WHUB studio)   
  
**   


JANE: Welcome back. Rude Awakening is on WHUB with Daria, Jane, and Mack.

DARIA: We would like to welcome the woman whose name is on our checks. The GM and president of The WHUB stations, Jodie Landon.

JODIE: Thank you.

DARIA: Now we are going to talk about something private that involves you.

JODIE: (joking trying to break the tension in the room): Is it bad?

JANE: It depends. Full disclosure time. Throughout high school and college, Mack was Jodie's boyfriend.

DARIA: We want to make it clear that we have been friends with both of them for a long time.

JANE: Also, they had a bad break up.

MACK: Crap!

DARIA: We’re going to go over this story to help them get some closure on this chapter and hopefully Jodie won't mess with this show or this station.

JODIE: I'm not going to do that.

DARIA: I got an eye on you, Landon.

JODIE: I'm not The Programming Chick

DARIA: The programming chick, I like that! I'm going to run the story from the beginning.

JANE: You two started dating in earnest when?

MACK: I think around late 1998.

JODIE: We were together because before then - we were only the few minorities at Lawndale High.

MACK: But over time, we started to connect with each other on other levels as well.

JANE: So you went to other colleges. Mack is a Proud Vance alum and Jodie is a Proud Turner alum. Did that put a strain on your relationship?

JODIE: Wow. That is great question because I never thought of that element in our college years of how the traveling changed our relationship. It was a hardship for each of us, but more so for Mack.

MACK: I tried to visit hers and mine family during the holidays.

DARIA: So both of you were faithful to each other?

JODIE: I know for me, Yes.

MACK: Me as well. I would never think of doing anyone else when I'm hooked up with someone. That's just a crass move.

JANE: We are running against a break, amiga.

DARIA: Here's what we're going to do – Traffic, Weather, then News. After all that is said and done, then we’ll talk about how we are here today with you two broken up and how it went down.

MACK: That sounds good.

JODIE: Ok.

JANE: This is Rude Awakening with Daria, Jane, and Mack on WHUB 98.5 The Hub.

  
**  
  
Scene 7 ( 7:25am, WHUB Breakroom)    
  
**   


(Upchuck is asleep at the table as Robert walks quietly in)

ROBERT: WAKE UP FOOL!

UPCHUCK: (Startled): What the?? Oh it's just you, Robert.

ROBERT: Why are you here? You aren't even suppose to be here till 10am.

UPCHUCK: I'm getting some sleep.

ROBERT: I don't want to ask, but why do you need to sleep at the station? Did you make your new girl mad?

UPCHUCK: Well – It's the opposite.

ROBERT: So she's happy?

UPCHUCK: (figuring the right way to say it): I'm tired because – I've been busy.

ROBERT: (intrigued): Doing what?

UPCHUCK: Chipmunk. She is like an category 5 storm in the bedroom.

ROBERT: I thought you can handle something like that.

UPCHUCK: She has showed me my game isn't all there. She wants it from me all the time. ALL THE TIME!

ROBERT: Holy crap, man! What kind of voodoo did you do on her? Your game is there. It's just you have been giving your all and she wants more of it! I think you branded that thing with a CR3.

UPCHUCK: What a wonderful problem to have, but it's a problem. I need some sleep and badly.

ROBERT: Listen, Chuck. I'll let you sleep in my office and I'll tell Jodie you got a sudden meeting for today and won't be back ’til Noon.

UPCHUCK: You think she'll buy it?

ROBERT: With what you’ve been doing in promotion and sales recently - She will glad to accept it. Upchuck? Chuckie? Chuck?

(Upchuck is snoring and asleep)

ROBERT: I hope Chipmunk don't discover him here or he will never be able to sleep again.

  
**  
  
Scene 8 ( 7:32am, WHUB Studio)   
  
**   


DARIA: It's 7:32, right now. Back to the conversation we had before the break.

JANE: Wait, what about the people who joined us. I want to go over where we are real quick on this story, amiga

DARIA: Fair enough, Lane. We have Mack our new guy and our GM and Boss, Jodie. There is a history between the two, they went out with each other for 8 years. Before the break, we were going to talk about the break up. It wasn't pretty.

JODIE: It WASN'T

MACK: It wasn't one of my smoothest move, I'll admit.

DARIA: I want to hear this story from both sides and remember be civil.

MACK: I will

JODIE: I understand.

JANE: I'll start with Mack, Let's go back to that day Round 2 of the NFL Draft in 2004.

MACK: That was the day I broke up with Jodie.

JODIE: Let's get this correct, Michael Mackenzie. You broke with me the second after you got drafted. I wanted to ask you this for 7 years and I am finally getting my chance to ask it now. What was the real reason you broke up with me?

MACK: We were going difference places in life.

JODIE: What did you mean by that?

MACK: I was going to the NFL and you was going to Crestmore.

JODIE: There more to this.

MACK: We're from different backgrounds I came from a middle class background and you from a upper background.

JODIE: Are you saying you broke up with me because I was rich?

MACK: (hesitant): I guess that what I am saying.

JODIE: That is the most pigheaded reason possible.

MACK: How did you see me as?

(JODIE is silent)

MACK: How did you see me as? I'll tell you how you saw me, let me help out the poor kid and save him from the streets of Mean old Lawndale. Let me domesticate him.  
  
JODIE: You know damn good and well that is not how I saw you, Mack.

MACK: It must be true ‘cause you didn't answer that question with that old Landon charm. I know what you are about to do. You are about to bring race into this. News flash! People are capable of look beyond race, Jodie.

JODIE: No Mack, I have been noticing this lately since this damn recession everybody want to blame the rich for everything lately. High gas price, blame the rich. Johnny don't want to get an education, blame the rich. No Job, blame the rich and tax them to hell.

MACK: I thought you would be saying blame Obama for the hardship of the rich. Oh the drama. You can afford it.

DARIA: I didn't expect that - so you and Jodie broke up over class issues.

MACK: And she saw me as a lapdog. I'm nobody's lapdog, Jodie.

JANE: Now I'm really wondering why you hired him?

MACK: So she can get the whip out on me to prove a point.

JODIE: NO! I brought you in because you are the best person for this job. The reason it has hurt for so long was because I thought after 7 years of my life I really thought that call was a proposal. That I was ready to settle down and be happy with you. I didn't expect it to be Hi, Jodie we are going different places, let see other people. That's was why I was angry! Was I blind to the signs of problems? I might have been not paying attention because I thought things was fine when they weren't. I felt like It will get better. You might of said these same things before, but I didn't want to hear it because I knew it might be the truth on how it really was.

MACK: Damn. I didn't know how to deal with ending a relationship if I did it like a man I wouldn't be getting told off RIGHTFULLY by a person who respected me enough to say screw the past - let's hire him. It takes someone with class to do that and I hope to bring that same class that you used to hire me to bring on air. I'm sorry for how it ended.

JODIE: I accept.

JANE: We have peace?

MACK: It looks like we have peace.

(Daria pushes the “hallelujah” button)

JODIE: I have heard you are dating now.

MACK: Uhhhmmmm, it's Jane.

JODIE: Hmmhh. That is a good choice.

JANE: Wait, what?

JODIE: Well back in the day, If I wasn't straight, I would totally have gone gay for Jane Lane.

JANE: OK, NOW I’VE GOT AN GREIVANCE TO AIR!

DARIA: (Laughing): Which is?

JANE: Why do lesbians hit on me? I mean this has been this way for years. Even when I went to art camp, I was hit on by a lesbian there. I swear this station has fun sending me to Gay Pride Days around New England. I end up 15 to 20 phone numbers per event. One year I wore this “I'm NOT Gay” shirt and I ended up with 50 phone numbers per event. I GIVE UP!

JODIE: You should call them and tell them to listen to the station.

JANE: They already are.

DARIA: You must have a connection to that population of listeners.

JANE: Oh look at the time, We need a break. Thank You God!

MACK: Lesbians, If you want to hit on Lane - call the station.

JANE: Not funny, Mack.

DARIA: They are attracted to strong fearless females. Watch out, Landon or Big Bertha might be saying “Can I get your cornbread?”

JODIE: No, you can't have my cornbread.

MACK: I’ve got an idea for a bit. Jodie, if you agree to it, would you like us to do a “Rude Awakening” Hook-Up from Yenta Jane?

JODIE: How would this work?

MACK: I run it by you before the show is over. Don't worry, Daria and me will help in this as well.

JODIE: Good because I don't trust Yenta Jane.

DARIA: Me neither.

JANE: (like a old Jewish women): Yenta Jane has hooked up the best and she'll hook up with the best too.

DARIA: I didn't know that character had a voice.

JANE: It does.

MACK: It's - Wow we are late - 7:52 and 66 degree on WHUB 98.5 The Hub. Good Morning New England.

 

  
**  
  
Scene 9 (8:03am WHUB break room)   
  
**   


(Ted is preparing for his 10am show when Stacy comes in)

STACY: Ted can we talk?

TED: Sure, why can't we talk?

STACY: Because when either me or Daria enter the room, you run like hell to get out of there.

TED: Daria is a force to be reckoned with.

STACY: So why do you run when I walk in?

TED: (sigh): There is some regret with you.

STACY: Regret? What do you mean by that?

TED: When you pulled that bold kiss, I remember what we had years ago. I have never been good with expressing myself properly.

STACY: I blame your socialist hippie parents.

TED: What do you have against my parents?

STACY: Let's see. They voted for Nader in 2000 and in 2004. They grew freaking corn in the front yard.

TED: (nervously): Among other things that I can't say legally.

STACY: I'm actually surprised you are working here instead of a public radio station.

TED: I want a normal non “crazy whack job” life.

STACY: You failed at that part, WHUB is full of them.

TED: No, everyone here are loveable neurotic nutcases.

STACY: Is there a difference?

TED: A really big one. Stacy, I knew we would have to talk soon or later and I was avoiding it like the plague. I feel we have unfinished business with each other.

STACY: I'll tell you what. How about I bring you lunch today and we talk over everything during your music breaks.

TED: Don't you have to prepare for your show then?

STACY: I’ve been doing that already and it's done. I just tell Dani what we are going to do. The Rowe and Moreno Show just work that way.

TED: What if Dani has something to add?

STACY: She is a sister of a rock star! Strangely, her brother calls her Danny because her brother think Dani is a guy.

TED: You mean he couldn't see the double D rack on her?

STACY: (A little anger): So glad you noticed that. (Normal): Anyways, Dani was a tomboy in High School. She didn't girl it up until college when she met me. Of course, Jessie has been called “functionally brain dead”, so it figures. Anyways she isn't up yet. She don't get up till 11am.

TED: That's your friend.

STACY: I always tell her to get up at 10am. She always says, That ain't happening. Ted, I'm glad we talked.

TED: It wasn't as painful as I thought

STACY: Now try to talk to Daria.

TED: I'll try too.

STACY: She don't bite.

TED: Her sarcasm can!

  
**  
  
Scene 10 (8:35am, WHUB Studio)   
  
**   


DARIA: 8:35 on WHUB 98.5, Alright I want to talk about a couple of things, that for lack of a better term, came out during that Jodie and Mack conversation.

MACK: One, Jodie would have done Jane back in high school if she swung that way.

DARIA: Two, Jane hates being hit on by lesbians.

JANE: You two are not going to let this die.

DARIA: For the first time ever this morning, you told me what happen at art camp and why you never talk about it.

JANE: I didn't realized I did all of that.

MACK: So we are just having a true confessions of a morning here?

DARIA: It seems people like to hear about other people. Can we open up the phones at 1-888 RWONAIR that's 1-888-796-6247.

MACK: Chris from Quincy! Speak to me.

CHRIS: First off, Welcome to the show, Mack.

MACK: Thank you, Chris.

CHRIS: Now to Jane, I have figured out why Jane is a lesbian magnet.

DARIA: If this is going to be good as you are, roll on.

CHRIS: One, Jane you were an artist.

JANE: I'm still am one.

CHRIS: Lesbians find art chicks hot! Strike one against you.

JANE: They're artists out there that are straight.

CHRIS: They are either starving or near Van Gogh crazy. The good ones are never straight.

(The studio laughing)

DARIA: Jane you are “The Artist Extraordinaire”

JANE: Shut up your face, Morgendorffer. You too, Mackenzie!

CHRIS: In defense of Jane, We guys find that hot too. As we know that they know pretty creative things to do.

MACK: (Off-mic): Yessir!

CHRIS: Point two, lesbians love strong, powerful and fearless women. Jane you fill that role for them without a doubt.

JANE: Thank you, self esteem class.

DARIA: Lane, you know and I know we didn't need those classes.

MACK: You two are confident as hell. Plus, Mrs. Manson was a hack school psychologist if there ever was one because Ms. Li was cheap on everything but football and security - Security being number one and Football a far, far number two.

CHRIS: In defense of Jane, Guys love that too. Ladies, take the lead we will show you the rest.

JANE: I'm starting to know a trend here. Lesbians are just like guys just more bolder is what you are saying.

CHRIS: Exactly, Some guys are scared of bold women. Lesbian aren't afraid of boldness they thrive on it.

DARIA: Do you want to see Jane in a lesbian kiss?

CHRIS: With Dani! I'll buy that sex tape too.

DARIA: Bye, Chris!

MACK: I haven't seen Dani before in person but I have heard story about her and Stacy. Are they that wild?

JANE: They aren't called the Sisters of Destruction for nothing.

DARIA: She might be 5 foot 5 but Dani Moreno is an explosive little chick.

MACK: I actually forgot how tall Stacy is when I met her earlier.

JANE: I think she is 6 foot 1 or 6 foot 2. I'll ask her during the break. But she is over 6 foot I know that.

DARIA: Since we are talking about height. Let's play 6 foot 7 foot by Lil Wanye on WHUB 98.5 The Hub.

BURNOUT: We are clear. For the record, Stacy is 6 foot 4. Jane is 5 foot 9, Dani at 5 foot 5 and Daria is 5 foot 4.

JANE: Is that what you do behind there?

BURNOUT: When I get bored back there on the board I have to do something to pass the time. Oh yeah. We have to do that promo outing at Fenway Park today. Mack, you are coming with us too.

MACK: I always wanted to see a game at Fenway park.

DARIA: You have no idea how big that green monster is until you see it!

JANE: That what she said!

DARIA: Jane, we aren't talking about your toy chest.

JANE: Does “I has ducky” ring a bell to you, Morgendorffer.

DARIA: You have a bigger collection of those then I ever will.

BURNOUT: Plug in 30 seconds.

MACK: I would like to see some of this collection, Lane.

DARIA: Hey, did you know that Stacy writes a pretty funny blog called The Life of Rowe? Check it out on whubthehub.com with the rest of our blogs. We have opinions and we aren't afraid to use them at WHUB 98.5 The Hub.

BURNOUT: Clear.

JANE: Who's idea was it for us to get involved in social media?

DARIA: Upchuck's newest thing. He wants us to be “Connected to Boston”. All of this flying in the face of that I tried to be disconnected as much as possible. We have a facebook page for the show and they can follow us on Twitter.

JANE: Don't you despise Twitter?

DARIA: I do but I like the challenge of putting down some sarcasm in 140 characters or less.

MACK: What your twitter handle?

DARIA: @miserychickWHUB, all one word.

MACK: Has Daria got you into twitter too?

JANE: I got her on twitter. Mine is @theartchickWHUB. Even burnout is on there @burnout_burnsWHUB. What yours, Mack?

MACK: I going to change it later on.

DARIA: What is it now?

MACK: @MackDaddy614. Kevin, set it all up for me.

JANE: No, don't change it just add WHUB to it.

MACK: You all know how much I hate that name.

DARIA: Which makes it all the more fun to say it. I'll even say it like Kevin.

MACK: Oh good god, in your hand, It's just like I gave you the button for a nuke.

JANE: And me too.

MACK: Oh goody.

 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 11 (9:06am, WHUB break room, Dani actually showed up early to work today to meet the new guy and for the surprise after the show)   
  
**   


STACY: Dani?

DANI: Yes It is. Dani Moreno is up and here before 10am.

STACY: You can still surprise me, Mo.

DANI: I want to meet the new guy.

STACY: So does everybody else. I know you wouldn't be up unless.

DANI: I'm ordering the pizzas for the post show party! Did you talk with Ted?

STACY: I did. We are going talk later on during his off time on the show.

DANI: Stacy Rowe, when will tell this boy you like him?

STACY: It's all coming together.

DANI: Which plan are you using now because it isn't plan A.

STACY: It is on plan D with Ted. But he did remember plan A.

DANI: So he liked the kiss after all - I see.

STACY: He said he had regrets with me and him.

DANI: So he had regrets about you. When is the Sex Kitten going in for the kill?

STACY: Dani, He’s kind of hard to pin down – I don't where it is going or how it is going to end.

DANI: You want it to end with T-D-C in the B-E-D! THAT'S how you want it to end. Has Sandi come to you about her new man?

STACY: She has and I think she is going to get beatdown for it.

DANI: You mean Daria and Jane will beat Sandi up?

STACY: Not physically of course - but with their words.

DANI: I feel sorry for Sandi with those two verbal assassins.

STACY: Actually, I think Daria and Jane don't really care about Tom for a second.

DANI: Of course, they don't. They don't like him.

STACY: What I'm saying, Dani, is Daria and Jane don't care what Tom is doing now or with who he is doing it with.

DANI: You have a point, Rowe.............. Wait is that Upchuck out cold on the crash couch?

STACY: It is – What are you thinking, Daniella Moreno?

DANI: How much does he weigh?

STACY: Maybe 110 - 120 max. Why?

DANI: You grab the top and I got the feet.

STACY:Oh! OH! Now I get what we're doing! Where are we going to drop him at this time?

DANI: Top of the live truck?

STACY: We did that before, Remember?

DANI: I remember that. Good times - good times.

STACY: I got an idea!

DANI: Where is it at?

STACY: I'll grab the head and you grab the feet.  
 **  
Scene 12 ( 9:20am, WHUB studios)**

JANE: Daria?

DARIA: Yeah, Lane?

JANE: Why are Rowe and Moreno doing the fireman carry on Upchuck down the halls of WHUB?

DARIA: If what I’m hearing around the office is true - he is out cold because Chipmunk was busy.

JANE: Using that better judgment there?

DARIA: I was about to use a joke there but I decided against. It was about Chipmunks and nuts. Lane, I'll allow you and them at home to make the connection.

JANE: (Makes the connection): Wow! I'm glad you made that judgment.

DARIA: See nobody wants to hear that from me. OK, Mack is off running over the contest idea with Jodie. I am going to use that crash couch after the show.

JANE: Careful, amiga. You could be Rowe and Moreno's 2nd victim of the day.

DARIA: They know not to mess with me or there will be hell to pay. - Hey, Ted.

TED: (Nervously): Hi, Daria.

JANE: You look like this is the Spanish Inquisition?

TED: (still scared): Ha, funny.

DARIA: What’s going to be on the show today and By the way, great job on the show.

TED: Oh just the usual and the old school hip hop mix at 1pm

DARIA: That's my favorite part of the show!

TED: (Calmer): Really!

DARIA: I am a big fan of that music.

TED: I actually did a “Burnout” mix one day, All related to weed and getting high.

BURNOUT: I resented that mix! Plus, you are the biggest weed smoker I know.

TED: And you know that how, Jenny?

BURNOUT: You have a personalized T.D.C bong.

TED: How do you know I have a personalized bong?

(Burnout is quiet)

TED: Exactly, Jenny and I enjoyed that mix too.

DARIA: Now we know why the studio smelled funny on April 21 when we came in. That 2:00 hour on 4/20 must have been a classic.

TED: So is 4:20pm at my house, Everyday.

JANE: How did we get here?

DARIA: We took at wrong turn at Cypress Hill.

BURNOUT: Ted, stay here. We are going to talk about your show. Duo, you are on in 1 minute.

JANE: Should we mention Upchuck getting carried out of here by Stacy and Dani?

DARIA: In passing. I’ve got a feeling we will hear more about that later on.

JANE: 9:36 on WHUB 98.5 The Hub.

DARIA: Coming up after all is over with us, is Ted Dewitt-Clinton with the Midday Express. He is here with us now.

TED: Hello, Daria and Jane.

JANE: What's on the show, TDC?

TED: Question who would win in this battle, Shark versus Crocodile?

DARIA: My money is on the Shark.

TED: You will find out during the 10am hour. At 11am I got your chance to win a Katy Perry Flyaway.

DARIA: And No, it is not to kick Russel Brand in the nuts.

TED: But I wish it was, It is to LA to see her in concert. although, I have to talk with Upchuck about idea. At 1pm I got your old school mix hour. Then at 2pm, we will be wondering what happened to Upchuck.

JANE: Yeah, we just saw Rowe and Moreno carrying out Upchuck to where - I don't know.

DARIA: With them two, you never know. It’s 9:40am and This is WHUB  
 **  
Scene 13 (9:42am, WHUB-AM Studio)**  
  
KEVIN: OK, let me see if I got everything I need for this show today.

MACK: Hey QB!

KEVIN: Mack, what are you doing here?

MACK: I'm wishing my friend luck for his first solo show.

KEVIN: Thanks, I appreciate it.

MACK: Did you hear this morning show?

KEVIN: I did and I got some post-game comments to say.

MACK: OK, What are they?

KEVIN: For Jodie to say she wanted a ring, she didn't really give a damn about the relationship from what I remember. You was more committed to it then she ever would have been.

MACK: If you come out on your show - the same way you did just now. You are going to be a hit.

KEVIN: I’ve got to ask a question that Daria and Jane didn't ask.

MACK: Kevin, fire away.

KEVIN: Why did you stay if you wasn't happy about the relationship?

MACK: I hated that you had that talent to get to the point.

KEVIN: But not as much as Mack Daddy?

MACK: True and don't call me that. I really don't know to be honest with you. She was my first one and I felt like I had a duty to protect her no matter the cost to me and my happiness. I was kind of the same way with Jodie as it was with you and Brittney.

KEVIN: No, it was not like that with Brittany and me. You two cared about each other, we didn't. So what about Jane?

MACK: Jodie laid a bomb on Jane that had her heated for the rest of the show.

KEVIN: I heard and I only have one thing to say about that.

MACK: Which is?

KEVIN: WE WANT 3-SOMES! (Rhythmic clap) WE WANT 3-SOMES!(Rhythmic clap) WE WANT 3-SOMES!

MACK: I dare you to do that to Jodie.

KEVIN: That could of saved your dull relationship.

MACK: And I would have had some fun out of that.

KEVIN: Now you're thinking!

MACK: I got Jane now and who know what things she is thinking.

KEVIN: At least you are entertain with possibility. Don't you have a show to go back to?

MACK: I do and thanks.

KEVIN: No problem always here. Now, Where did I put that script at?

( The script is right on the desk in front of him)  
  
 **Scene 14 (9:50am WHUB Studio)**

DARIA: 9:50am, It's Rude Awakening with Daria, Jane and Mack.

JANE: And it's looks like the cavalry is here. The whole WHUB Team has squeeze themselves in. Can one of you get on the mic?

DANI: We are all here to welcome Mack to the gang.

JANE: Here comes Mack running down the hall to get in.

(Mack gets in and get on the mic.)

MACK: Alright I'm here. Where Upchuck at?

STACY: Asleep somewhere. (Dani arm jabs Stacy)

MACK: Some of the craziness that I missed.

ROBERT: We want to prepare you for the crazy stuff around here. So I have made you a WHUB preparedness kit.

MACK: Let's see what is in there. A couple 6 packs of 5 Hour Energy. A first kit. I don't even know why I even need that. And a portable HD Radio?

DARIA: So you can listen to our HD signal anywhere.

JANE: 3 HD channels that nobody listens too.

DARIA: Lastly we got you the food of champions, Pizza!

DANI: It's what keeps WHUB running.

DARIA: And us caring about the job we do.

MACK: Thank you for welcoming me in to the family. I hope to be here for a long time.

DARIA: We hope the same too. Time to wrap it up, Lane.

JANE: This is WHUB Boston, Ted is next! See you Tomorrow Morning, New England.

BURNOUT: IT'S A WRAP FOR MACK'S FIRST SHOW!

(Deafening Applause for Mack come from the crew in the room)

MACK: Thank you, but I want that pizza you were all talking about.

  


 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 15 (10:36am, WHUB Break room)   
  
**   


(Upchuck walks in soaking wet)

UPCHUCK: I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE AND ONLY ONCE! I AM SAYING THIS TO ONE, STACY ROWE AND DANIELLA MORENO – WHERE IN THE BLUE HELL DID YOU GET THE IDEA OF PUTTING ME – A SLEEPING ME - IN A ROWBOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKING CHARLES RIVER?

MACK: Damn, you two are very grimy to do that. I have to wonder what do you on your show?

DANI: We gave you oars.

JANE: You two are bad influences on each others.

STACY: We aren't that bad.

DANI: Honest.

UPCHUCK: Boston's Sweethearts, My ass! I am going to go change my clothes.

(A wet Upchuck walks by as Jodie coming in)

JODIE: The one thing that I have learned since taking this job is don't ask. Because, what you can even think has happen won't come close to what actually happened.

MACK: You would be correct on all accounts.

JODIE: Something tells me it has something to do with Rowe and Moreno.

DANI: You would be correct.

STACY: Upchuck learned don't fall asleep on the job.

(CHIPMUNK comes in)

CHIPMUNK: Hey everybody.

JODIE: Hey, Chipmunk.

CHIPMUNK: Have you seen where Charles is at?

DANI: We have no idea.

STACY: Me neither.

CHIPMUNK: You finally did that boat prank.

DANI: We didn't do the boat prank, right Stacy?

STACY: Negative on the boat prank!

CHIPMUNK: I know what you to did and it was funny by the way. Where's Charles?

JODIE: He's in his office cleaning up after what “The Sisters of Destruction” did to him.

DANI: Hey Jane, where's Daria?

JANE: Amiga is taking her post-show nap before we go to Fenway tonight. You two don't get any ideas?

STACY: Jane, Daria scares us.

DANI: She can give you the bad vibes.

STACY: I don't want any bad vibes.

JANE: Good.

  
**  
  
Scene 16 (11:02am, Jodie's Office)   
  
**   


ROBERT: OK, Did you get your closure?

JODIE: I did, but something that was said is tweaking me.

ROBERT: Oh boy. Jodie Landon will you ever stop going for perfection? You got an apology that should be good enough.

JODIE: What do you mean by all that?

ROBERT: You know I'll tell you the truth so here it is. You are an horrible girlfriend!

JODIE: How am I a horrible girlfriend?

ROBERT: How important is love to you?

JODIE: I try to fit it in.

ROBERT: Problem! You can't squeeze in a relationship - you have to put some time into it.

JODIE: Says the single man in the room.

ROBERT: I got girls I can call on.

JODIE: They are called hookers, Rob. They don't count.

ROBERT: The same thing with vibrators, Landon. They don't count either.

JODIE: You don't know what you are talking about.

ROBERT: I have experienced this with Judith. Judith was so driven with her career that I though that leaving her was the best thing for her.

JODIE: I'll consider your advise - don't you have a meeting to be at?

ROBERT: Oh I do! See you later, Jodie.

( Robert leaves and Jodie picks up the phone and dials a number)

JODIE: Hello, Janice. Is Judy there?

JANICE: Hey, Judy, pick up. It's Landon at WHUB.

(JUDITH picks up)

JUDITH: You got some nerve calling me after what happen.

JODIE: I know, Judith.

JUDITH: So why are you calling me?

JODIE: Does Robert and You, ring a bell.

JUDITH: It does. Why are you asking?

JODIE: Robert has been talking about how he left you so you could have your career.

JUDITH: Does it have any connection to this morning on WHUB?

JODIE: Robert is seeing parallels with how you two broke up but I want to get the REAL story.

JUDITH: How does lunch with Judith, The Bitch of Boston sound?

JODIE: Sounds good and I'll dish about my problems. Hey Judith, you have softened up around the edges.

JUDITH: It nothing that getting ran over caused to happen. Plus, on love I'm a freaking genius on that.

JODIE: I'm kind of needing that crazy lawyer back at WHUB.

JUDITH: Is that a job offer?

JODIE: We'll talk over lunch.

 

 

 **Scene 17 (11:30am, Upchuck's Office)  
**  
CHIPMUNK: (from outside of the office): Are you decent in there?

UPCHUCK: I am.

CHIPMUNK: (Chipmunk walks in) What happened?

UPCHUCK: Damn, Rowe and Moreno put me in a boat on the Charles River.

CHIPMUNK: Ouch.

UPCHUCK: Ouch indeed. I wish they would be that creative with their show sometimes.

CHIPMUNK: Stacy runs that show with a steel fist.

UPCHUCK: Isn't that supposed to be iron fist?

CHIPMUNK: Iron rusts, plus steel is stronger.

UPCHUCK: Gotcha on that.

CHIPMUNK: I know we need to talk about how I have been acting lately around you.

UPCHUCK: OK, I'm all ears.

CHIPMUNK: I might be a little too much for some people and it seems that you wanted some sleep too and even though I wish we can go all night.

UPCHUCK: Oh god, You don't know how much I would love that as well.

CHIPMUNK: We have jobs to do. So during the weekdays we have to set “OUR” time around WHUB.

UPCHUCK: I see and I understand. So I don't end up in a rowboat in the Charles River again.

CHIPMUNK: Right.

(They start looking around)

UPCHUCK: Is the door locked?

CHIPMUNK: I'll check it. (runs to the door) Locked. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

UPCHUCK: (Closing the blinds): Oh. Hell. Yes!  
 **  
Scene 18 (11:55am, Daria's Office)**

(Knock on the door)

DARIA: I am still among the living.

JANE: Damn and I wanted your office.

DARIA: Don't try it. This goes to Rowe in case you try to off me.

JANE: So what are you listening to?

DARIA: Kevin's show. I surprised that he is holding his own against Boston sports fans. They are a tough crowd, but he is winning them over quickly.

JANE: So are you going to call in?

DARIA: I'm banned from calling our sister station.

JANE: What?

DARIA: I have been labeled a problem caller by the station.

JANE: Is it because of your monotone?

DARIA: (with a Mona Lisa smile) It was my dirty mouth about the Yankees that did me in. There are some things about the Yankees you can't say on radio – even if they are true.

JANE: Daria Morgendorffer, The intelligent but belligerent sports fan. I still can't believe it.

DARIA: Well I would call and say good luck to him, but I told him that last night with a little bit of fun on both of our ends.

JANE: The lady or the tiger, Ms. Morgendorffer?

DARIA: I thought we banned that statement.

JANE: Well it fits the conversation and it doesn't involve hair products or dyes.

DARIA: Ok, pass granted.

SANDI: Hi, Daria. Hi, Jane.

JANE: Aren't you supposed to be at Channel 5?

SANDI: I'm taking the rest of day off. They can run themselves. I needed to talk to both of you.

DARIA: Good god - are you about to a mass firing?

JANE: We don't want nothing to do with that!

SANDI: I'm not firing anyone at channel 5. Although that Tori Jericho is starting to get on my nerves. I need to talk with you two about my new boyfriend.

DARIA: Wow, Sandi Griffin is off the market.

JANE: Amiga, I’ve got a feeling we aren’t going to like the rest of this story. What’s the name of the new beau?

SANDI: Tom Sloane.

(Daria and Jane don't know how to react to the news at first)

DARIA: I didn't realize he lived in Boston.

JANE: I didn't know Grace, Sloane, and Page was still in business after that trading scandal in 2008?

SANDI: He started his own investment group and it is headquartered here in Boston. I thought there will be a big blowup over this.

DARIA: Sandi, you took us off guard. We don't know how to react to this news.

JANE: Or to even react to it at all? I mean he was single and you went for it and you are happy?

SANDI: I am happy.

JANE: Where did you meet at?

SANDI: A hotel bar in Columbus. The man can clean up well.

DARIA: Everybody got something from Ohio's capital city!

JANE: And they weren’t some lame shirts saying “Somebody went to Columbus and all I got was this crappy shirt!”

DARIA: Jane - I’ve got a question, what if he shown up to your room that night?

JANE: His freaking world would have been rocked.

DARIA: I heard about your trip to Columbus’s finest hospitals after Mack pulled that move. I got to ask ya Sandi - did you lay it down on him?

SANDI: I did.

JANE: Then all we are all doing is hating on her game and her ability to close the deal.

SANDI: Sounds like all three of us closed the deal.

JANE: She does have a point there.

DARIA: I'll tell you what I know about Tom and you can tell me if he has learned from his mistake.

JANE: You are just being nosy.

SANDI: I'm just gathering knowledge about Tom with two of his ex's. You did the same thing to Mack, this morning.

DARIA: Lane, is that moral center getting to you now?

JANE:(sigh) Dammit, It is.  
  
 **Scene 19 (12:22pm, WHUB break room)**

STACY: Let's run over what we got today!

DANI: OK, Time for the Dani makeover.

STACY: At 3 The former singer of your band, the Harpies, is back in the news.

DANI: We are not talking about that coke head.

STACY: You have never talked about this since it happened.

DANI: On why I hate Monique Wells, the most undependable lead singer of a rock band – ever! Listen, don't we have a quiet agreement: I don't talk to you about High school or that club and you never talk to me about the Harpies.

STACY: Do you even want to hear about the story?

DANI: I need a good laugh today. Hit me, Rowe.

STACY: Wells was asked by TMZ.com.

DANI: While she was trying to score her next hit -

STACY: If the Harpies would reunite.

DANI: The answer had better been no.

STACY: She was quoted saying, “If the band can get over it problems, we might have a chance.”

DANI: What she is NOT saying is she was responsible for every problem within the band with her drug use.

STACY: Now you see why I want to make this a topic today!

DANI: Our show is about fun not hashing up old news.

STACY: You need to talk about this and maybe if you gave the real reason on why the Harpies aren't together you may stop that question of "Are The Harpies going to come back together?"

DANI: (after being quiet for a second): You really feel that way about it?

STACY: Dani, You're my friend. I had to face that high school issue head on. I'm not going to make you do something or face something with out me backing you up all the way. You did that when the whole Sandi meeting was going to happen and you told me to talk with Daria when I was planning to skip that meeting.

DANI: I did, didn't I?

STACY: You did, Dani.

DANI: Damn it, I hate all of this mushy crap. Where is the metal and punk rock music when you need it.

STACY: I gave you the 4:00pm hour for that.

DANI: And that's what friends are for.

  


**Scene 20 (12:45pm, Restaurant Leroux, Jodie meets Judith for lunch)  
**  
JODIE: Hello, Judith.

JUDITH: I forgot my contacts would you mind if I wore my glasses?

JODIE: I have no problem with it at all.

(Judith digs in her purse and pulls out her round frame glasses and puts them on)

JODIE: Oh my god.

JUDITH: What?

JODIE: You look like an older version of Daria.

JUDITH: I would like to think that Daria is a younger version of me.

JODIE: I just realized who you are to WHUB. You're Judy Blue! You STARTED Rude Awakening in 1974!

JUDITH: I did when I was 20 and we have been WHUB's Anti-morning show since.

JODIE: When did you become Judy Regan?

JUDY: When I married Janice in Vermont.

JODIE: Oh. Congrats!

JUDITH: Yeah. Don't worry about it. I'm actually surprised you recognized me with my glasses on.

JODIE: I have been studying the history of this station lately. And that history is the reason I’ve got to get down to why I am here, Robert.

JUDITH: Wait I’ve got something for you, It's a picture of Robert in 1975.

(Robert in 1975 is a dead knock off of Trent but with an Afro)

JODIE: You’ve got to show this to Jane.

JUDITH: I remember he could only get up for work and his band.

JODIE: Let me guess - they didn't play Doors covers.

JUDITH: Actually they WERE a Doors cover band.

(Jodie is trying to keep her self from laughing)

JUDITH: I remember we had this girl named “Burnout”, she was a hippie who was becoming a lawyer. I think her name was Helena Barksdale. I wonder what happened to her. We use to be able to tear Boston up big time. We were “The Sisters of Destruction!”

JODIE: You two have met since and destroyed a meditation room in the process.

JUDITH: You mean?

JODIE: Burnout was Robert's lawyer!

(JUDITH is laughing her butt off)

JUDITH: I remember her moving to Texas before her first daughter was born.

JODIE: That's Daria! I bet money that Mrs. Morgendorffer was thinking of you.

JUDITH: And said money will go to rebuilding that poor meeting room we tore up. Daria turned out to be a good kid but I have to bust her chops a bit. I was her Godmother actually.

JODIE: So I see you are a good person, just misunderstood. What changed your demeanor to be Bitch of Boston.

JUDITH: Jodie, It was a moment in 1984 that showed me what the world was and made me say to hell with it all.  
  
 **Scene 21 (1:05pm, WHUB Studio)**

STACY: I got lunch!

TED: What! I though you were kidding.

STACY: I wasn't kidding and I got the food.

TED: Well I am hungry. Let's eat.

(Ted and Stacy start eating)

TED: You know, if you just said you like me in the beginning you could of saved you some money and trouble.

(Stacy stops eating)

STACY: You knew?

TED: Stacy - you never were good with saying your feelings.

STACY: OK, Dewitt-Clinton - If you knew, why you didn't say anything?

TED: I learned in college, let it play out - you might get a free meal out of it.

STACY: So do you feel the same way too?

TED: I do, but things have changed in 20 years.

STACY: You are right about that.

TED: But, it seems as some things do change, they also stay the same.

STACY: Also right on that. Can we start again?

TED: I would like to call this a restart.  
 **  
Scene 22 (1:15pm, Restaurant Leroux)**

JODIE: What can I say? You found the only good Cajun Seafood restaurant in New England!

JUDITH: These guys are awesome, aren't they?

JODIE: They are!

JUDITH: I actually trust you and that's a rare thing for me. I'm not a people person or one to deal with the public as you know.

JODIE: I understand – What happened in 1984 with you and Robert?

JUDITH: I’ve got to be real with you - it is easy for us cynics to lose trust in the world around us. Robert did some very ugly stuff when Janice first came out that year.

JODIE: Wait a second? You are telling me the excuse he gave is complete BS!

JUDITH: Yep.

JODIE: So what he did say?

JUDITH: (visible in pain telling her this): It still hurts to say what he said to Janice nearly 30 years later.

JODIE: Judy, what did he say?

JUDITH: Nobody in this damn city wants to hear from a fag on what they’ve got to say. He was PD at the time, and broke up the show by moving Janice off to overnights after her announcement.

JODIE: Wow. You know actually shocked me with what you just said about him.

JUDITH: That one moment showed me that the world is really f-ed up place and after that day Robert tried to push me off the air so I tried to push back against it until one day - I just said to hell with it!

Why am I fighting something I can't fight? If the world wants me to be a bitch so be it. I'll be the biggest one in the world! At that moment I wanted to destroy everything in the world. That makes you lose depth on what is good and the good things you have in life.

Janice actually stuck with me through it all. People remember when you stand up for them. Janice knew I stood up for her and I stood beside her until one day we said as a joke at first let's go up to Vermont and get married. The idea came from me. we went up to Vermont and ….It just felt right, I wanted to be by her side for life.

JODIE: Beautiful and I didn't know that about you.

JUDITH: I never let anyone know that about me. I have been hurt before I was damned it if I was going to let it happen again.

JODIE: I'm going to give you some closure today. - Jodie Landon style.

JUDITH: What is Jodie Landon style?

JODIE: The motherfucker won't see it coming until it's too late.

JUDITH: I didn't know you had this side to you?

JODIE: I do – How do you think I ended up running WHUB? I'm a Landon, it's in me. Oh yeah, you are back, right?

JUDITH: I'm Back and for the first time in 30 years - I will enjoy walking into WHUB with a smile on my face.

  
**  
Scene 23 (1:45pm, WHUB Studio)**   


DANI: Hey Stacy - Oh mi dios, Stacy!

STACY: It's not what it looks like!

TED: Uhmm, Stacy It is what it looks like.

STACY: NOT HELPING, TED!

DANI: Qué demonios estás pensando atornillar Ted en el estudio. En el estudio! Usted es una puta mierda!

TED: Why is she speaking Spanish?

STACY: When she get really pissed, she starts speaking in Spanish.

DANI: ¿Cómo se puede ver su imagen en el espejo después de hacer eso? No puedo creer que hayas hecho eso!

TED: I think she called you a slut in that last sentence.

STACY: I don’t see why - this isn't the first time she has seen me like this.

DANI: ¿Dónde está el Lysol en? Ustedes dos están enfermos y retorcidos! ¿por qué trabajar aquí? Realmente, ¿por qué? Esta estación se va al infierno en una canasta de mano - No A MANO EN LLAMAS CARRITO! Eso es todo!

STACY: Where's Jane Lane to translate?

TED: UH OH!

STACY: UH OH? UH OH? WHAT DO MEAN UH OH?

TED: Boston just heard that.

STACY: The Dani rant, right?

TED: No, everything!

  
**  
  
Scene 24 (1:49pm, Jodie's Car)   
  
**   


JODIE: Did that just happen?

JUDITH: I think it just did. Jodie, WHUB has changed since I was on there, but then WHUB HASN'T change since I was on there!

JODIE: WHUB is never boring.

JUDITH: That is the truth! So what is the plan?

JODIE: Robert is a creature of habit. He likes talking to me and he likes to stop by after his meetings. He loves talking about his past to me, and this is where you come in Judy. Today is his Day of Reckoning! He thought that whole lawsuit thing was water under the bridge.

JUDITH: It wasn't?

JODIE: It isn't. I know when to strike and the time wasn't right.

JUDITH: What changed?

JODIE: Three things changed. One, I know Mrs. Morgendorffer. I told her what was the plan and she signed off on it.

JUDITH: So Burnout is out of picture?

JODIE: Yep, Robert can't run to her - she's on our side.

JUDITH: I'm impressed by that. My baby done grown up on me! You said there three parts. What's two?

JODIE: How do you feel about Midday on Weekends?

JUDITH: I like that. So you want Robert out the door this time?

JODIE: Correct, Judy. He made a mistake of messing with Jodie Landon. He must be taken out.

JUDITH: What's three?

JODIE: You gave me number three today. You helped me filled in a hole in the history of the station that I was trying to fill. This one is for your friend, Janice.

JUDITH: So you do look out for friends?

JODIE: Every single one of the on-air staff I know I can count on, including Mack who has put up with a lot from me over the years.

JUDITH: So a “Type A” to everything but yourself and your needs?

JODIE: When you say it that way – Yes, that is the truth. It hurts when you say it, but that's the truth.

JUDITH: At least you know people matter first. I’ve got to ask why did you hire your ex?

JODIE: He was the best talent for the job. Daria and Jane don't play well with others.

JUDITH: Meaning?

JODIE: You have to put them with the right guy. If they are too weak, Daria and Jane will verbal snipe that person down to dust.

If he doesn't have a sense of timing with cynical comedy, Daria and Jane will look like they are just being mean - which they are far from it.

Mack knows what Daria and Jane are all about, because he just as cynical as they are and just as kind as they are too. It also help that he is doing Jane.

JUDITH: And here you are, single, and missing out of the fun of WHUB.

JODIE: They are doing a “Hook up Jodie” contest.

JUDITH: This is going to be good. What are you looking for?

JODIE: Judy, I'm not going to lie. I put in a special rule for me.

JUDITH: Which is?

JODIE: Guys got to sent in a shirtless pic and have to agree to come shirtless in studio when called in. No photo shop here. You have to have the abs to roll with Jodie.

JUDITH: Jodie Landon, You play calm and level headed, but you are just as wild as the rest of WHUB.

JODIE: What can I say, this station is Me.

JUDITH: I like that - An actual boss that gets WHUB's craziness.   


 

  
**  
  
Scene 25 (2:25pm, Daria's office)   
  
**   


DARIA: To Kevin, for his first show!

KEVIN: Thanks, Daria!

JANE: Great first show.

MACK: And who is Hoosier Daddy?

KEVIN: Oh that’s my name for my producer, James from Indiana. That dude is weird. I think his is a few lights short of a full string.

MACK: Pot paging Kettle. Pot paging Kettle.

KEVIN: What are you working on over there?

MACK: A new “Mack Dynamite” skit.

JANE: Wait Mack Dynamite?

MACK: It's a crazy character I did for my previous show. I love those old 70's black movies. This is my goofy send up of them.

DARIA: We are in the business of crazy and I don't know what’s going to be on the show tomorrow, so 7:30 half hour?

MACK: It won't be ready by then, but it will be good for Wednesday's Show.

DARIA: OK.

(The sounds of expletives in Spanish fill the air)

JANE: Someone needs to wash there mouth out with soap.

MACK: Who is that?

DARIA: Cussing in Spanish? - Must be Dani!

JANE: My money says she must of seen something that peed her off - big time.

DARIA: Dani, can you come in here?

(Dani comes in the office)

DARIA: Now tell me what’s got you so mad?

DANI: Daria, acabo de ver Stacy haciendo lo indecible en el estudio a uno, Ted Dewitt- Clinton. Te juro que es una puta del grado más alto!

MACK: Dani, English do you speak it?

JANE: This is all I could understand, Stacy and Ted in the studio and Puta which means slut. Which for some strange reason was always said without fail to Penny in her trips over in South America. I think her nickname was “Puta” Lane over there. I don't know why.

KEVIN: Jane, she was called that in Lawndale too - but there, it was just slut.

JANE: (wants to give Kevin a dirty look but sighs): I can't because it's the truth.

DARIA: OK, now in English tell me what is wrong.

DANI: I saw Stacy and Ted in the studio - “getting to know each other”

JANE: Did you get the Lysol?

DANI: I got that and the Clorox too for that damn chair!

JANE: I'll make sure it get burned.

DANI: Thanks, Has anyone seen Upchuck since that prank this morning?

MACK: I haven't seen him.

JANE: Me neither.

DARIA: I haven't see him at all today.

DANI: I know Chipmunk.... Oh........I know where he is. He's happy and I am not going to bother him.

DARIA: What is wrong with us here?

MACK: This is the nuthouse called WHUB, right?

DARIA: I think you've already got it.

  
**  
  
Scene 26 ( 2:55pm, WHUB studio)   
  
**   


STACY: Dani!

DANI: Stacy, you have found a new way to top yourself today.

STACY: I have, haven't I?

DANI: Yeah.

STACY: Then it should come as no shock that me and Ted are together again.

DANI: Nope.

STACY: Ted knew it the whole time.

DANI: So you could of save yourself a lot of time, money, and utter embarrassment if you just said you like him.

STACY: Nope. It was fun that way, plus there is an audio tape with me and Ted that will float around for a while.

DANI: Stacy Rowe, I can never figure you out.

STACY: Well, ready to do this?

DANI: About The Banshees - I want to do that off the top.

STACY: OK.

DANI: Then, I'm playing that Lonely Island and Akon song.

STACY: You wouldn't?

DANI: I did and I will, Rowe. You need a celebration as you just broke a dry spell.

STACY: I can't fight that one, Mo.

DANI: I wasn't expecting that. Showtime.

VO: It's Rowe and Moreno on WHUB 98.5 Live in Buzzdome.com studios.

STACY: And it is time to get you home.

DANI: or in Stacy's case, off.

STACY: I thought you weren’t going to go there.

DANI: But I did and that's half the battle.

STACY: In the news today, The Banshees lead singer is talking reunion and why my colleague over here is saying No to it.

DANI: Better tell TMZ.com to record this. Plus it's Metal Monday get them requests in now. I want total rock domination at 4pm.

STACY: And whatever else we can think of. It's Rowe and Moreno on WHUB 98.5!

DANI: Here's a song request from me to Stacy. It's Lonely Island and Akon with I Just Had Sex.... Which she did with Ted.

STACY: Dani, I can't believe you just did that.

DANI: But I did!

 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 27 (4:00pm, Jodie's Office)   
  
**   


ROBERT: Hey, Jodie.

JODIE: Hey, Robert.

ROBERT: Have been thinking about my advice?

JODIE: I have, but I need to hear it again.

ROBERT: You need to pay attention to love like I did with Judith.

JUDITH: That's not how I remember it, Robert.

(Robert face drops)

JUDITH: Didn't expect me here, did ya.

ROBERT: I thought that -

JUDITH: I was gone for good. Nope, that's just your wishful thinking.

JODIE: I believe in getting both sides. Robert, I have heard your side – unless you've been lying to me all along.

JUDITH: Robert, Jodie Landon hates being lied to. I hate being lied to as well. Do you remember what I said to you back in the day - since you want to go back to those days?

ROBERT: Judy, you are just being crazy.

JUDITH: I think you are the one being crazy. If you remember those days as well as you are saying - I used to say, ‘A lie and the truth are NOT sorta the same thing.’

ROBERT: Why are you bring this up?

JODIE: Questions later. I think Judy was speaking – Judy?

JUDITH: Thank you, Ms. Landon. The reason I brought that up was a day in 1984 involving Janice Regan.

(Robert has a shocked face as he knows Judith with the assist from Jodie has trapped him.)

JODIE: Yeah Robert, I know and you can't run to Helen Morgendorffer, your lawyer. I been studying the history of this station and there was a weird move you did as PD (leaning back in to her chair) You took Janice Regan off of the top morning show in the city when she came out.

ROBERT: Nobody wanted to hear from a lesbian about women issues and crap like that.

JODIE: That move sent WHUB to the crapper.

JUDITH: And pissed me off as well.

JODIE: So what did you do Robert?

ROBERT: I tried to give Judy the hint that WHUB didn't need her.

JODIE: And brought the world -

JUDITH: The Bitch of Boston A.K.A The World Burner herself, Judy Blue. But wait isn’t HE in the same position now, Jodie?

JODIE: Yes he is, Judy. Robert, you should have taken that Star 103 job because WHUB don't need you anymore, Robert.

JUDITH: Do I get to tell him?

JODIE: I don't see why not?

JUDITH: You can now spend more time on your production company as you are no longer apart of WHUB after today.

ROBERT: You can't fire me!

JUDITH: Yes she can and she just has, Robert.

JODIE: I'll call security and let you get your stuff.

(Robert is sieving with anger as he walks out then after the door closes, Jodie and Judith give each others high fives and pats on the back.)

JODIE: Is that a smile on your face, Judy?

JUDITH: (deadpans): I guess the bitch is dead.

  
  
**  
  
Scene 28 (4:30pm, Daria's Office)   
  
**   


DARIA: I'm ready to get out of here.

JANE: Amiga, look who's coming.

MACK: You two look like the grim reaper is coming.

DARIA: It's worst, It's Judy the Worldburner!

JUDITH: Hi Daria and Jane. Hello and Welcome to WHUB Mack.

MACK: Hello to you, Judy.

JANE: (Whispering): She just said hello. What do we do?

DARIA: (Whispering): I guess we say hello back?

BOTH: Hi Judy.

JUDITH: I guess me being nice threw you off.

BOTH: Yeah.

JUDITH: Get use to it as this is “The Real Me” and I do sarcasm as well. Mack, Jodie wanted me to tell you that as of tomorrow - you will be the new Community Relations chair of The WHUB Stations. Congrats to you.

DARIA: Was that Robert's job?

JUDITH: It was - but he is not apart of the station any longer. He has decided to put more time into his production company, Daria.

DARIA: I wish him the best.

JUDITH: I’ve got some thing for you to laugh at later.

DARIA: You sure it not something sickening like dead puppies.

JUDITH: No, But it is a photo of the original “Rude Awakening” crew and staff of WHUB from 1974.

(Judith shows the crew the pic)

JANE: Who’s the guy with the afro?

DARIA: Lane, they are a lot of them with afros.

JANE: The one that looks like my brother.

JUDITH: That's Robert.

MACK: Who's the hot hippie chick with the crew?

JUDITH: Take a good look, Daria.

DARIA: Oh my god. That hot hippie chick is My Mom!

MACK: I will never be able to look at Mrs. Morgendorffer without those thoughts again.

JUDITH: She was the original “Burnout”.

JANE: We have a Burnout, Jenny Burns.

JUDITH: Which is correct and as I’ve heard Rowe and Moreno call themselves “The Sisters Of Destruction”! Me and Your Mom - were the original and for the record “The Greatest.” Go run and tell them that!

DARIA: Now the only burning out she will have is from her work as a Pizza King Executive. I'm going to e-mail that to her.

JUDITH: This is the first time we have talked before.

DARIA: I'm glad we finally talked. You aren't all that scary.

JUDITH: And I see that Rude Awakening is in great hands. I listen all the time with my wife.

JANE: Wife?

JUDITH: Janice Regan, my partner in crime.

JANE: The other one that can give the mean remarks.

JUDITH: When she hears about what happened today, it's going to be a new start for her as well. I have not been this happy since 1984.

MACK: That’s 26 years.

JUDITH: Jodie, helped me with that today. Well I must be off. Bye and Mack, sign those paper tonight and bring them in or I'll hunt you down.

DARIA: And I wouldn't doubt it for a sec, Mack.

  
  
**  
  
Scene 29 (8:30pm, Dani's Apartment)   
  
**   


DANI: (Singing and rocking out): Time to go look at email, but most of it is probably spam!

(Dani notice and e-mail from Monique, titled “Can we talk?”)

DANI: (Very Sarcastically and Flippant) Oh Goody. Let me read this bullcrap.

MONIQUE: (VO):

 _  
Dear Dani,   
_

_I guess you probably will delete this e-mail after seeing this and won't read it. But, here it goes anyways. I have sent this to Trenella, Maxine, Bassie and You._

 _I have a lot of things to apologize for in my time with The Harpies. Mainly being a shitty friend to you all and an even worst lead singer. I have been clean for about a year, 6 months and 2 days. I'm not going to lie, it has been battle everyday facing some of the demons in my life that I must face in order to keep my sobriety in tack. It's one day at a time battle that I still have to face. That is why I am reaching out to you four. I would like to start again. I really don't know how with all that I have done. From stealing money from the band to losing your trust with me through my behavior. The only thing I can say is I'm deeply sorry. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted me to stay out of your life. I can only try to make it up with my actions._

 _I am NOT asking for a Harpies reunion as I have accepted that what that was will never happen again in my life._

 _Thank for reading,  
Monique._

DANI: I’ve got to reply to her, although it is against my better judgment.

(Dani starts her letter)

DANI: (VO):

 _  
Dear Monique,   
_

_  
I had to think about replying to you and your letter but from what I've read you don't need more condemnation – You need hope. If it goes to condemnation in the letter, I’m sorry as the emotions are still raw._

 _I know through my job, your history with drugs and alcohol. I have even said to my friends not to talk about you because I will be real about my feelings towards you - for they aren't that kind._

 _I know we made good music together when we were the Harpies. I still remember fondly the other three members but I can't say the same about you. When I think about you - I want to punch you in the face because you didn't realize what you had before you! You were a talented musician and a hell of a singer, but you were more than willing to destroy it all for heroin, pills and god knows what else._

 _That fact still pisses me off to this day. I have not listened to one of our song because it makes me think of what could have been with this band and with all of us. I am happy in Boston with Stacy Rowe at WHUB. This is again going against my better judgment, but if you want to talk - just e-mail me. I believe that if you can stay clean, it will go a long way in repairing our friendship. But if you end up strung out again - I will cut you off and never look back. I have done it before and I'll do it again._

 _Signed,  
Dani  
_  
(END)

  


  


 

 


End file.
